Friday, July 9, 2010

Karma and Answered Prayers

My mother always told me to be careful with my prayers. Some things, she'd tell me, can only be given through work and sacrifice. Like patience. It can't be given. It can only be strengthened by working through trials that test it. I knew she was right. And I'd pray anyway. 'Cause I really need to work on my patience. And, as I think any of my writer friends can attest to, I fell into a line of work that's giving me plenty of trials and tests to strengthen that virtue :)

I think the same can be said about Karma. I'm a firm believer that you reap what you sow in life. Not only that, but that you find what you're looking for. The trick is knowing what you're asking from the universe. Just because you tell yourself you want a peaceful life, doesn't mean that's what you're actions are telling the cosmos you desire. And sometimes, just as with patience, some things can't just be given, they have to be worked for.

I used peace because that's what I'm searching for. What I realized this week was I wasn't really working for it. There are certain people in my life that I allow to bait me. But I didn't realize this was a problem because I rarely ever rose to the bait. I'd just ignore their taunts. Or, at least, I'd ignore them publicly. In my heart, I'd still let them dig at me. I was giving the illusion of peace without really living it.

I'm not sure how you get past the sting of an insult. I'm not sure how you really truly let some comments go. I mean, I know intellectually that you accept some people aren't going to like you and don't give their words weight. It's the emotional aspect I'm having a hard time with. I'd like to think this post is the first step. Knowing I have to let go of the anger and resentment if I'm going to find peace. Something tells me meditation and limited time with those who are baiting will be the second. The third? I'm not sure yet. Hopefully it'll come to me when I'm ready for it.