So, on Facebook, I’ve seen several posts lately that’ve made me stop and think. They start out with something along the lines of: Look for a man who finds you beautiful not sexy. Then they go on into a list of actions or qualities that make a man the ‘perfect’ type man. And every time I read one I have the same question. What makes beautiful better than sexy?
My first reaction was that sexy, being more of a physical attribute, somehow objectifies the woman. But, as I thought about it more, I realized that there are thousands of things that people find sexy that have nothing to do with appearance. Like I love to watch sci-fi and sports. Some men find that sexy in a female, but it has nothing to do what I look like. So why is sexy wrong?
Now, I don’t usually obsess over silly Facebook posts, but as I kept seeing this message repeated and rephrased it kept digging at me. So I started going through examples of what I’d find ‘sexy’ and what would be ‘beautiful’. And the main difference between the words I came up with is that ‘sexy’, to me, implies some level of arousal where as ‘beauty’ doesn’t necessarily.
Men on motorcycles are sexy. A dress hanging in the store is beautiful. A verse from a poetry book is beautiful. Tattoos are sexy. But that only left me more confused. Why wouldn’t you want your mate to find you arousing? I’m not sure I’ll ever have this one figured out. Maybe you can help me to understand. Why should I wait for a guy who calls me beautiful instead of falling for one who finds me sexy?