I’m So Damn Tired

Every day I open my netbook and I log on Twitter or Facebook or one of the countless news organizations out there and every day (it seems recently) I find some new news article designed to piss me off. First it was the birth control debate. Then it was the stupid ‘joke’ about aspirin as an effective birth control. Then it was Rush’s response to the birth control debate.

- I must admit, by the time this happened, I was kind of numb and apathetic to the whole thing. One can only handle so much hatred and vitriol being spewed at you simply because of your gender.

But it got even better, ‘cause then Arizona stepped up to the plate with a proposed law designed to protect doctors from ‘wrongful birth’ lawsuits. (Click 'Arizona' to go to Huffington Post article about the law) Now, I believe a doctor has the RIGHT to choose with procedures he/she is willing to and comfortable performing. If a doctor has religious beliefs that prevent him from performing an abortion, for instance, I believe the government shouldn’t be allowed to pass laws to force them to. But to withhold information from a patient (specifically a female patient because males can’t get pregnant) because that information might make an abortion more likely? And information that could be life saving to the mother, nonetheless? That’s where you’re crossing the line. Why should my doctor’s rights and beliefs carry more weight than mine? It’s my body, my life. And why is it always females under attack? Why are there no condescending reproduction laws aimed at men? Not that I want them to start making them. The only thing worse than the current attack of females is the tit for tat game.

But it’s all left me angry and frustrated that I have to keep explaining why I’m angry to people.

Here’s the thing, I like being a girl. Actually, I love being a girl. Don’t get me wrong, I love the men out there. I’m happily married and have two boys. But I wouldn’t want to be a man for all the gold in Spain. So I don’t understand why it is that so many people hate women—hate me just for being a woman. I have my college degree, earned it while waitressing tables at a pizza place to support myself, so why do so many people think I’m incapable of making decisions about my health and body? And (here’s the kicker) because I’m female, am I supposed to hate sex?

I don’t want special treatment. I just want to be treated like a human.

P.S. I vote.

Life, Love, and Writing

So it's been a long time since I've posted. A really long time. And I don't have a solid reason. Just with releases and new stories, my blog got away from me.

The three minute catch up: My first ever novel, Ravenborne, was released August 23rd from Samhain and will be out in print this coming July. July the third. Yay!! This was a huge accomplishment for me. But, this post wasn't meant to be promo.

My big news is I've actually pick up the sequel to Ink in the Blood and am finishing it. I must admit, I love my fantasy world but I love Ink's world just a tiny bit more. I think my ties to it are stronger. It's nearer and dearer to my heart. And that's what has kept me from finishing it. But, over the last month or so, I put on my big girl panties and got down to business.

Wait!! That didn't come out right. What I mean to say is, I'm a writer and a writer doesn't not write a story because it's hard or because they're worried they won't get it right. You just work that much harder while writing the story. So far it's going well. I'm exhausted every night from working, but it's a good exhausted. And this is quickly becoming my favorite story. I'm sitting at close to 19,000 words as of today but this has to be done by the end of Feb. as I have big plans for it. I'm going to a conference in Dallas at the end of March and want to pitch it to an agent. And I want to submit it to a couple places. I'll keep you guys posted as to how the story's going. Please keep your fingers crossed for me :)

What I Did Over the Summer

I can’t believe school starts next week. And I can’t believe my baby starts Kindergarten. I’ve known this day was coming for some time. And I’m really excited about it. But we just had such a fantastic summer, the time has flown by.

We went to Cincinnati Ohio for my first ever conference, to Chicago to visit a friend eat hot dogs and swim at a beach, Indianapolis to visit the children’s museum, and to the local pool more times than I can count. My youngest had his very best friend over to say goodbye before he, the friend, moved across the country. We had a sleep over with the nieces. We went to see Toy Story 3, Last Airbender, and they went to see Sorcerer’s apprentice last weekend. I visited my home town twice and ate at the pizza place where my husband I met both times (which is a lot for me seeing as I don’t make it back to my home town at all some years). Oh, and I submitted my first ever completed novel. That was just last week though so I’m not expecting to hear anything back anytime soon.

Yeah, it’s been a fun summer, but I think I’m ready for school. I think I’m ready to have a quiet house. And I think I’m ready for my baby to be a Kindergartener J

Beautiful vs. Sexy

So, on Facebook, I’ve seen several posts lately that’ve made me stop and think. They start out with something along the lines of: Look for a man who finds you beautiful not sexy. Then they go on into a list of actions or qualities that make a man the ‘perfect’ type man. And every time I read one I have the same question. What makes beautiful better than sexy?

My first reaction was that sexy, being more of a physical attribute, somehow objectifies the woman. But, as I thought about it more, I realized that there are thousands of things that people find sexy that have nothing to do with appearance. Like I love to watch sci-fi and sports. Some men find that sexy in a female, but it has nothing to do what I look like. So why is sexy wrong?

Now, I don’t usually obsess over silly Facebook posts, but as I kept seeing this message repeated and rephrased it kept digging at me. So I started going through examples of what I’d find ‘sexy’ and what would be ‘beautiful’. And the main difference between the words I came up with is that ‘sexy’, to me, implies some level of arousal where as ‘beauty’ doesn’t necessarily.

Men on motorcycles are sexy. A dress hanging in the store is beautiful. A verse from a poetry book is beautiful. Tattoos are sexy. But that only left me more confused. Why wouldn’t you want your mate to find you arousing? I’m not sure I’ll ever have this one figured out. Maybe you can help me to understand. Why should I wait for a guy who calls me beautiful instead of falling for one who finds me sexy?

Karma and Answered Prayers

My mother always told me to be careful with my prayers. Some things, she'd tell me, can only be given through work and sacrifice. Like patience. It can't be given. It can only be strengthened by working through trials that test it. I knew she was right. And I'd pray anyway. 'Cause I really need to work on my patience. And, as I think any of my writer friends can attest to, I fell into a line of work that's giving me plenty of trials and tests to strengthen that virtue :)

I think the same can be said about Karma. I'm a firm believer that you reap what you sow in life. Not only that, but that you find what you're looking for. The trick is knowing what you're asking from the universe. Just because you tell yourself you want a peaceful life, doesn't mean that's what you're actions are telling the cosmos you desire. And sometimes, just as with patience, some things can't just be given, they have to be worked for.

I used peace because that's what I'm searching for. What I realized this week was I wasn't really working for it. There are certain people in my life that I allow to bait me. But I didn't realize this was a problem because I rarely ever rose to the bait. I'd just ignore their taunts. Or, at least, I'd ignore them publicly. In my heart, I'd still let them dig at me. I was giving the illusion of peace without really living it.

I'm not sure how you get past the sting of an insult. I'm not sure how you really truly let some comments go. I mean, I know intellectually that you accept some people aren't going to like you and don't give their words weight. It's the emotional aspect I'm having a hard time with. I'd like to think this post is the first step. Knowing I have to let go of the anger and resentment if I'm going to find peace. Something tells me meditation and limited time with those who are baiting will be the second. The third? I'm not sure yet. Hopefully it'll come to me when I'm ready for it.

I'm Guest Blogging

Hey everyone. I'm over at Leah's house today. If you want to come visit (and enter to win a copy of Dragonborne) here's the link: http://leahbraemel.blogspot.com/2010/05/chandra-ryans-taking-leap-of-faith.html

Catching Up

I'm going to be on Leah Braemel's blog tomorrow talking about leaps of faith and giving away a copy of Dragonborne. I hope you can stop by. I'll add a link first thing in the morning. In the mean time, if you want to read the blurb or an excerpt to Dragonborne, I have them here. It was also reviewed by Long and Short reviews today. I'm very happy they liked it and hope my next story will indeed be a novel :)

Also one of my friends, Robyn Bachar, had her novel, Blood, Smoke and Mirrors, released by Samhain today! Huge congrats to her. It sounds fantastic and I've been really looking forward to reading it. Wanna know more? http://www.mybookstoreandmore.com/blood-smoke-mirrors-p-5601.html

Hope it's sunny where ever you are today :)